how to beat anxiety when making decisions

Friday, July 11



There are some people in the world who make decisions like a boss and move on with their life like it ain't no thang. I, unfortunately, am not one of those people. I'm what you might call a "second-guesser".

Now to be fair, most decisions i'm perfectly capable of making without much hesitation or after thought..even with confidence. But when it comes to certain decisions (some big, some small), I find that my anxiety kicks in and i'm pretty much useless to the entire free world. For instance, while Kevin and I were in Turkey, we had planned on taking a cruise to the Greek Isles. The day before we were supposed to board, something fell through with the travel agent, and we were not booked. I was devastated and, at an impasse, Kevin and I had to decide what to do next. Our two decisions were to explore some beaches in Turkey (which was the cheaper option) OR navigate the Greek Isles on our own. Friends, this may seem like such  trifling matter, but I literally was paralyzed with anxiety. I also struggle with serious FOMO (fear of missing out), and kept thinking that if we didn't go to Greece (which was the more expensive option), I'd be missing out. In the end, we chose Greece, and the minute we picked that option, my anxiety continued to make me wonder "maybe Turkey was the better choice?"  It was exhausting and I just couldn't win.

Thankfully I have a champ of a husband, who soothingly talked me through it, validated our decision, and told me "Katie, we can't look back. Let's just enjoy things and have fun" which we did and had such an enjoyable trip. I literally worried like a crazy lady, all for nothing.

However, i've had some time to reflect deeply on why I seem to face some terrifying anxiety when I make certain decisions. Here is what i've come up with:

1. I've believed the horrible lie that says, "If I don't get this, I won't be happy".
I remember when I was planning my wedding, and I was so obsessed with finding the perfect photographer. There was a photographer I really wanted, and I even remember telling Kevin, "if I don't go with her, I won't be happy with anyone else". While super embarrassing to admit now, it shows that I fell hook, line, and sinker for the oldest trick in the book.

Here's the problem with that point of view-
it leads us to buy into the lie that things (not God) are what fill us. 

It's the subtle lie that pervades our culture. It's the lie that perpetuates consumerism. And it's the lie that makes us feel crappy about ourself when we don't get what we want, or even when we do. Because plain and simple, things do not fill our hearts with joy and peace. Only God does.

If you are tempted to believe that the alternative choice cannot make you happy, think again. Any alternative with Jesus, is always better than our first choice without Him.

2. I've wrapped my identity up in certain decisions as they became a way to "prove" myself
So much of my anxiety during my wedding planning was a direct result of placing my identity into the hands of one special day. I wanted the decor to look "just so" in order that people would stand back and say, "wow, Katie is so creative" or "this is a gorgeous display" or whatever. My identity soon became enmeshed in what others thought about me {not my shining moment, love me anyway:)}. I agonized over bridesmaids dresses, flower colors, the whole nine yards! It was a decision making hell.  And when certain elements did not go as visualized, I literally fell apart.

It became apparent to me that if we are trying to prove ourselves to the world through our decisions, we will be sorely disappointed when what we expected doesn't pan out, and we are left with anxiety as our constant companion. But if we place our worth, value and position in Christ alone, chances are, no matter what way the decision goes, we will be able to better accept it with little anxiety, because the decision doesn't define us.

3. At the end of the day, no decision should rob you of your joy
Decisions may rob you of peace if you place too much weight on them, or are using them to prove how great you are to the world. Many of us who have struggled with insecurities in our life, like myself, might have a harder time with this, because we seem to feel like we have to constantly prove ourselves in certain areas. But thankfully, God is revealing to me how to hold life looser. How to roll with the punches. How to be content no matter what I decide. When we hold on to less tension in the decision making process, we can hold out our hearts to more of what really matters…..jesus. When we make decisions, we have to look at them in light of eternity. All my wedding decisions didn't really matter in the long run, only our marriage does. I could have prevented a few gray hairs and a lot of stress if I would have remembered that.

If you are facing a decision that impacts the kingdom, this is not to say that you don't spend lots of time in prayer seeking counsel and taking your time. All I'm saying is that we don't need to be anxious in the decision making process. Give all the emotions you are feeling up to the one who already has your life planned, and trust:) Ask God to show you if you are trying to "prove" yourself in your decisions, or if your identity is in your decisions. He'll show you:)

I hope someone resonates with this today, otherwise i've just admitted a lot of embarrassing things for nothing:)

Happy Friday! I'll be at the beach all day with our Swedish relatives eating at two of my favorite restaurants…Bear Flag Fish Company and True Foods!! Hoping your weekend is refreshing and full of peace, joy and freedom!





26 comments :

  1. i liked this! i struggle with anxiety and worry - especially in regards to the future. i loved the one about not letting it steal your joy. thanks for sharing katie!

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  2. Any alternative with Jesus, is always better than our first choice without Him. - a million times yes!

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  3. You really didn't admit all that for nothing! Thanks, it's good to read this because I can see so much of my difficulty making decisions has similar roots... I've been battling with a decision the past few days, and finally just made up my mind and committed, but still feel uncertain... and now it's too late to change ;) Praying for peace about it!

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  4. Nice points! I always try to remember that the vast majority of decisions we make either don't really matter much in the grand scheme of things or they can be undone. Very few choices are permanent. This helps me to let go of any regret I may have!

    Alyssa | Keep It Simple

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  5. I'm so glad you wrote about this because I go through the same back and forth anxiety over small (and big) decisions that I make myself sick. I, too, am trying to be at peace with my choices and to line them up with God's will for me. Even if I'm wrong, I know He will lead me back.

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  6. This is wonderful. I am so guilty of this and I AM a second guesser on a lot of things. It will literally wear your mind out.

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  7. Love reading your blog! This is just what I needed to hear today. Would love for you to link up this post on my blog today!

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  8. Oh katie, I am SO like you when it comes to making decisions! Even when planning a dream trip that I'm so excited about...as soon as I book the tickets I think, "Was that a good idea? Should we really be spending money to see this place?" It's so silly. I can so quickly lose focus on what really matters.

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  9. This is a great post! Whenever I am making a difficult decision I always think about how so far God has lead me in the right direction and I believe that he will continue to do so. Thinking that way always makes me feel better!

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  10. this is a great post! i have this same struggle (worrier to the max) thanks for sharing!!

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  11. I'm like this when making decisions too. This is a great perspective on it!

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  12. Always loving your wisdom, Katie. Number 3 especially resonates with me right now! Thanks for giving me more words to ponder as I think about my current decision.: )

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  13. I am kind of the opposite. I tent to be impulsive and make decision without praying and seeking counsel first. Something I am seriously working on changing. But I will say with all this wedding planning I have had a few stressful moments and already needed that reminder that while our wedding will be a wonderful time with all our family and friends, in the end honoring God through our marriage is the ultimate goal. Thanks for sharing Katie!

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  14. Oh Katie, I am the SAME WAY! This rings all too true for me. I struggle big time with anxiety and it has robbed me of so much joy, in addition, I'm SUPER prideful and hate to be wrong (a horrible combination...ha!). I actually just read an article from Relevant Magazine about making decisions that put a whole new perspective on things for me. It's a great read http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/there-no-perfect-decision

    Thank you for sharing your heart!!

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  15. This is so good, Katie. So, so good. I don't have a lot of anxiety about decisions but everything you said is spot on. We do tend to get wrapped up too much into things that ultimately will not fulfill us!

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  16. going through the same thing!!!! great post, Katie! :)

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  17. Katie, I've been dealing with this very struggle lately! Actually, currently I'm dealing with it and I really needed to hear this message. I realized last night that while I was in France, I missed an interview request from a top school in the city I live in. It would have been an amazing opportunity and my carelessness of overlooking the email made me break down last night...even though I know for a fact that God has opened doors and has lead me to have a new job at a school that needs me.

    Thanks for this. I've been struggling all day, but I feel a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I'm reminded that God has provided for me a place in where He lead and opened doors for. Clearly I just wasn't supposed to be at that "top school" this year!

    Thanks girl. Xoxo

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  18. I am EXACTLY the same. Thanks for these reminders, this was such a great post!

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  19. Thanks so much for being transparent, Katie. I can certainly relate. I think I especially get anxious over making sure the decisions I make are in line with God's "perfect will". This has caused me a lot of anxiety and I think I tend to put more emphasis on myself than on God's ability. Getting down to the lies behind all of this is so good. Thanks for the reminder!

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  20. I feel like this is exactly what I was supposed to hear today. I am a second guesser, as well, always replaying decisions in my mind and thinking about the alternatives or something better I could have said or done. And it is exhausting, like you said! Thank you for your heartfelt words and leading them back up to the Lord. :)

    xo, gina

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  21. I love this! I'm a second guesser too, and totally guilty of acting like my decisions are what define and fulfill me. So not the case. Thanks for sharing this, sweet girl!

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  22. Amen, Katie! I'm one of those people who has trouble making decisions, too but the things you wrote about are definitely good things to think about when making decisions. Hope you're well :) Jovita

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  23. i like your thoughts on this! i have to be checking if i'm trying to prove myself to anyone in my decisions or if most importantly they're honoring to Jesus.

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  24. Loved your questions you put forth Katie! My problem with decision making is that I'm slow and always hesitant.

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  25. Beautiful written my friend. I love this and I love you!

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I LOVE hearing from you friend:) Your comment will make my day!