Reflections on turning 30

Monday, March 10


I turned 30 yesterday.

Ok, you can all pick your jaws up off the floor at this revelation…I know, I LOOK LIKE I'M 20.
People literally don't believe me when I tell them my age, like they legit think i'm lying.
But come on people, why would I lie about being 30?

For most of my life I hated looking so young, and would be deceiving you if I said I wasn't massively self-conscious about that fact. But maybe i've turned a new leaf. I kind of like it now. (Just don't tell me I look like i'm in junior high. I got that last year, and i'm pretty sure I NEVER EVER want to look like i'm in junior high again. ever. bad stage. bad school pictures. ok, done.)

But all this turning 30 business has made me rather nostalgic, peeking back into the last decade of my 20's and wondering what it is I gleaned that has made me a better person. Being in your twenties is like being bi-polar. There were some HIGH highs, and some serious LOW-lows. For the first time in your life you are not at the same stage as everyone else, just traveling along, grade level by grade level. No, you get out on your own and you realize life is your oyster, and your little shellfish can look insanely different than others. There are some serious variables that you can't control, like getting married. But there are things you can control, like choosing where to work and live.

I feel good turning 30 because i'm absolutely at peace with where i'm at and who I am.

But it was a long road in getting to this place, a long, but good one.

Here are the most profound lessons i've learned in my twenties:

1) Take Risks: I took a lot of risks in my twenties. I moved over to Thailand knowing no one, traveling around teaching English where ever I could get a job. I started a clothing line that donated over $30K to different organizations working in Africa. I worked on a farm (twice) and drove a massive tractor. I spent a year of my life working for Invisible Children and traveling around the US in a van speaking at hundreds of schools, churches, and venues about the conflict in Northern Uganda. I traveled to Africa twice, one time alone. I got married. I moved into a low income neighborhood without knowing a single person. I started a girls group in my neighborhood having no clue who would come that first day. Kevin and I moved to Nepal, and hit our 40th country traveled to. These risks all changed my life and shaped me into the person I am today. Risks showed me that life isn't as scary as we might think it is, and that God protects us when we are living in his will. Risks propel us into a crazy dependency on God, because risk involves the unknown, and the unknown means we have to give up control. Risk is good, and I recommend doing it, a lot.

2) Don't Glamorize your Risks, they are going to be HARD!: All those risks I took above…they may sound glamorous, but the reality is, they were HARD. All of them. Thailand was lonely, hot, and emotionally draining. That clothing line I started, took hours of my week ordering,packing and mailing shirts- and in the end I closed up shop not because demand decreased, but because I didn't have the time to keep it running. Working the farm was 11 hour days handling heavy equipment, greasing a tractor, being itchy in rice straw, and shoveling dirt off a machine. Traveling around the US for Invisible Children was early mornings, long nights, team conflict, no money, home sickness, and brownies and pizza for every meal (barf!). Africa wrecked me (in a good way), but it was hard. Moving into a low income neighborhood was tough- building trust, living in an apartment with cockroaches, and seeing poverty that broke me. The girls group I started made so much headway, but took physical and emotional work and hours of my week. And moving to Nepal rendered me sick every week. ALL OF THESE were worth it, every second. But I think our generation has a tendency to think that risk should just be adventurous and glamorous and sexy. I carried with me a romanticized view of risk, and it disillusioned me when I was met with a hard situation that involved long term commitment and work. But that's what makes risk so incredible, is that we dedicate our lives to something so worth the investment!

3) Forgive and accept forgiveness: The reality for all of us is that we will be hurt, sometimes deeply wounded. My twenties involved a good amount of hurting and being hurt. We are humans, sue us! It's going to happen (and if it hasn't, what planet do you live on? because I want to move there). I was hurt by some of the closest people in my life, and I hurt some of the closest people in my life. And it was a painful process of learning to forgive others when they hurt me, and learning to forgive myself when I hurt others. But forgiveness is where the magic happens. It is not forgetting what happened, but it is foregoing our right to get even. For so many years I lived with a lot of bitterness and resentment, and it affected my health and emotional well being. When I finally learned (through lots of prayer and intentionality) to let go, I could not believe how much better I felt in every way. Like a wight lifted. Learn to be a person of grace. 

4) Don't expect so much: I held on to some crazy high expectations for everyone and every situation. And if people didn't live up to my expectations (which was always) I would be disappointed (which was like always). It took an extreme situation to reveal how cruel my expectations were to others and to myself. When we expect others to be a certain way, we strip them of the way God uniquely crafted them. When we expect such high things for ourselves, we come to despise ourselves when we fail. My husband modeled for me how to just embrace and love people (and ourselves) and events as they are, not as they should be. As a result, life is just a lot more fun!

5) Don't gossip: While in my twenties, I found that when someone hurt me, my natural instinct was to tell all those friends closest to me; partly because I am a verbal processor by nature, and partly because I wanted someone to sympathize with me. But I've realize that it just never does any good to spread negative news. Something small can turn into something big, and then it's out of control and people's emotions are involved. Proverbs has much to say about gossip, but one verse that I love is this, "He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever relates the matter separates close friends" (proverbs 17:9). It is good for us to keep a matter to ourself and let it blow over, or to find one person (a husband, parent, friend) to talk through it with and gain some perspective. The last few years of doing this has shown me that if we don't gossip about it, it doesn't affect us as much, and soon the matter passes. We are better friends when we show discretion. We love when we don't gossip.

6) God can redeem the crappy stuff: I had some relationships fall apart that I literally didn't think God could repair. And you know what, he did. Not only did he repair them, but he made them more beautiful. Don't give up on a relationship, especially if it's in your own family. Give it time, prayer, and love, and you will be surprised at what He can do:)

7) Healing is real: I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease in my twenties, and the first few years were nothing short of depressing and almost hopeless, as my health declined rapidly. Yet when I found a holistic chiropractor, his natural and cutting-edge methods began to revive my body, and in turn, my spirit. I spent almost all of my twenties believing that i'd never get better, but these last few years have been a living testimony to the fact that no one is beyond healing! This goes for emotional healing as well!

8) Have boundaries!: I am a visionary through and through, but this led me to living a life full steam ahead with no boundaries. I said yes to everything people asked me to participate in, I maximized social media to a fault, I worked to please everyone, and I pursued every relationships like people should be my best friend. Somewhere in my twenties, I burnt out and hit rock bottom. I learned to live a more quiet life- our souls need that, you know? I said "no" to people, I got rid of most of my social media outlets, I learned that it was ok if people didn't like my decisions, and I took inventory of the people I wanted most in my life and pursued those relationships on a deeper level (instead of spreading myself so thin). Learning to put up boundaries in my life has been really good. It has allowed my worth to come from the Lord, not others.

9) Enjoy what God has given YOU: In the age of social media, I sometimes wonder if we spend more time coveting what others have, than appreciating the unique life and place God has given us (which is why i've unplugged from a few outlets!). Somewhere in my twenties, I realized that gratitude is where JOY is at. Our hearts flourish when we just praise Him. I've learned (and am learning) that MY situation is God's gift to me, and YOUR situation is God's gift to you. Even a hard season in my life can gift me the opportunity to find out more about God, and more about how He created me. It's all about embracing the gifts and life He's given us!!

As if 30 has really made me a wise sage, it hasn't.
But it has made me wiser.
It's made me kinder.
It's made me more graceful.

And I'm grateful for that.

Here's to another decade of lessons,
and to hoping they aren't as hard as the ones I learned in my twenties, haha!

Happy Monday,
love Katie 


47 comments :

  1. Happy birthday!! Girl, you sure don't look 30 at all!! You're beautiful, inside & out :) and thanks for sharing those life lessons. I used to be such a gossiper.. Until it bit me in the butt and I felt deep conviction for it ( & shame because my mom found out)! Ever since then I try to hard to keep my mouth shut. :) love you girl. XO

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  2. You worked with IC?? I grew up with Bobby and Jason :)

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  3. love this! thanks for sharing friend!! xoxo

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  4. Happy Birthday! You look great for turning 30 and are wise beyond your years! 30 will be great year for you.

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  5. Happy birthday, friend!! Such amazing lessons to learn... I hope I can age as gracefully as you. I get the "you're HOW old?!" on a daily basis too... not so much fun. :)

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  6. Happy belated birthday! Your life sounds like one heck of a roller coaster that was really wroth living. And don't kill me but I thought you were twenty! And you kind of look younger than that but I will say no more! It's good that you're embracing it, though. You were blessed with a face that doesn't age and I think that about 98% of people on Earth were in your position.

    www.recavi.blogspot.com

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  7. happy birthday! :) haha i def feel like i'm in my 20s and not my 30s. love all the lessons you learned in your twenties. i have and am still learning a few of them.

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  8. Happy Birthday! I loved the insight you shared. Some true wisdom lied in there :)

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  9. Happy Birthday! I don't remember you being a particularly awkward looking junior higher, but it is clear from your blog and pictures that you have grown more beautiful internally and externally with time :-)

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  10. Happy Birthday to you!! Beautiful post! :-)

    xoxo A

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  11. I absolutely love this. Happy 30th Birthday! It's always nice to look younger than you actually are! I have the same problem, but I just know that when I'm 40-50 I'll appreciate it. ;)

    I love this list, your 20's were good to you in teaching you priceless things.

    -Amanda | Living in Another Language

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  12. LOVE THIS, Katie!!! It is pure gold! SO many great lessons! I look very young for 27 and went so far to get a short haircut while in grad school to look more like a nurse practitioner because they all seemed to have short bobs. haha. And then once I actually started working as a pediatric nurse practitioner, I realized my youthful face actually makes me more approachable to my child and teen patients! They figure I am pretty much like them, so they open up to me. It's funny to think about it, but sometimes I have the same hairstyle as my patients :-O haha!! All that to say, there is purpose behind our looks, personalities, weaknesses, and desires. God has prepared so much for you and done so much already through you in your twenties. They were roaring twenties! Full of courage and adventure! It was so fun to read this and see where God has led you through!

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  13. Happy belated birthday! I love this post for so many reasons - thank you for sharing it, honestly, I get it more than I ever thought I would... x

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  14. happy belated birthday, Katie! these are very wise words. the points on forgiveness, expectations and boundaries ring so true in my life. thank you!

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  15. Happy belated birthday :) Love this post, was a very interesting read! xx

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  16. Sounds like you have your shit together. I dont even know you and I'm so proud! What amazing things you've accomplished in your 20's. Kudos girl!

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  17. "your little shellfish can look insanely different" - LOVE THIS! Isn't it great God didn't just mass-produce us? I love reading your reflections and knowing your heart. 30 is going to be good, I can tell... ;-)

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  18. Happiest of Birthdays, Katie!! Loved reading this. Your soulful honesty is really refreshing and so very encouraging, thank you for that. :)

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  19. Happy Birthday! I hope you had a wonderful day :) I love this post and hope to improve these aspects into my life or incorporate them in someway. I think taking risks is one that I'm trying to do more, even though stepping out of my comfort zone is so hard (and pretty much is for most people). You've done some amazing thing and had great experiences and it's such an inspiration to go out there and have adventures. (Moving to Japan was definitely a huge leap of faith, but I'm so glad I did it!)

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  20. Happy Birthday! This is so spot on, as usual. Especially about romanticizing those risks and gossiping. I've found myself really distancing myself from people I used to be friends with simply because I find it so hard to resist the temptation to gossip whenever I'm around them. Talking about someone is not productive in any way, so I'm really trying to make more of an effort to keep negative comments to myself!

    30 looks great on you (although I totally don't believe it, either ;)

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  21. Happy birthday Katie! You DO look young and incredible and lovely inside and out. This post is so terrific. I'm 25--right in the middle of those highs and lows of the twenties that you described--and I have a feeling that 30 will feel a little more calm, a little more settled. I hope so anyway. I love your positive attitude toward getting older!

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  22. This post has encouraged me so much, Katie. I am inching closer and closer to 25, and I love looking back and seeing the ways that the Lord has challenged me in different areas to grow me into a more graceful and grace-giving woman. Your story and your posts here area constant source of encouragement, so thank you!

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  23. Wow, Katie, how beautiful! What a faithful God! Happy Birthday, I'm so glad you were born! :) You have blessed me so so much these past couple years of following your blog! Thank you for continually sharing your heart and life with us. You are such a gift!

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  24. Happy Birthday, Katie!! My jaw definitely did drop when I saw "30"! You are beautiful, and these are beautiful words! I hope your 30's bring you all sorts of wonderful things :-)

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  25. Sweet, sweet Katie. This literally brought me to tears. So beautiful and spoke directly to my heart. I think the Lord had your write this just for me :) Your first point had me fired up and your second point humbled me and brought me back to reality. And point 9 brought me joy. I yearn for risk, for adventure, for stories that bring Him glory. But each of our stories are different and a precious gift from Abba. Thanks for these reminders. Blessed to know you- even if it is just through the internet- so far ;) Happy birthday precious girl! Praying your next decade is filled with even more splendor! xox

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  26. i turned 30 this year too and surprisingly i was ok with it, i realized how blessed I am and age is just a number it is all about how you view yourself and as the daughter of our wonderful King, age isn't a big deal when you realize how much Jesus loves us every.single.day despite our flaws or whatever stage we are in our life. congrats on turning 30!

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  27. These are such great tips. Y'all are so blessed to have been able to travel so much! Expecting too much is one of my fatal flaws.. I'm learning to let go of some expectations when needed. I'm only 23, so I love reading these and keeping some of these things in mind as I go forward. Hope your birthday was wonderful! March is a great month to be born in ;)

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  28. well, I have to admit that I was expecting to click on this post and compliment how well you looked at 30; but I am the one leaving inspired. GREAT post! and yes, you really do look like you're in your early 20's. yeah!!

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  29. Happy birthday beautiful lady, I hope you had a fantastic birthday filled with all the joy that being 30 brings - by that of course I mean delicious cake ;)
    I turn the big 3-0 this year too and I hope I can look back on my twenties with as much wisdom as you have shown in this post. This year has been my year of learning not to gossip and boy are you right about how much better you feel when you don't let yourself get involved in everything?! I feel so much more free.
    Thanks so much for sharing this post and your wisdom x

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  30. happy 30th birthday, Katie!!
    I am writing these down somewhere; they are gold.
    "learn to be a person of grace"--yes!
    www.floralandfudge.blogspot.com

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  31. Okay, that dress looks amazing on you, love that color!
    Happy birthday again!! :)
    I hear you on the being told you look young . . . back when I was 23 I was told that I looked like I was 16 and in that same week my brother (who was 16) was told that he looked like he was in his 20's. Haha, good times . . .
    And I totally love your reflections, I've totally got to do this when my birthday rolls around.

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  32. Happy birthday, Katie! You are beautiful inside and out - thank you for being an example of God's love and grace :) Be blessed as you enter another year of life! Love, Jovita. Hope you are well :)

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  33. Happy Belated my dear!! you def don't look 30, but who cares. You are clearly 30 years wise. Thank you for the great life lessons :)

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  34. Happy Birthday, Katie!!! I love what you said about life in our 20s. It's the first time we're not in the same life stage as our peers, and it is so weird. You said it so well.

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  35. Happy birthday! I LOVE this advice. "Don't glamorize your risks": that is some of the best advice I've ever heard, and so well put. It's very true that you can put some of your biggest risks and accomplishments on paper and they look fantastic to any outsider, but they almost always involve a lot of pain and hard work. It's really good to remember this as I tend to read other people's accomplishments and become envious because they sound so glamorous, but what I don't often realize is what you've illustrated to me; my accomplishments and risks probably appear the same way to others who don't really know me, but I don't think about them in the same way because I KNOW the work I put in. Thank you for this post :)

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  36. Happy belated birthday!!! Love this advice. Especially the ones about risks. Hope you had an incredible day!!

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  37. Happy belated birthday, dear Katie! You know you are an inspiration to me! And I hope I look as not-30 as you do when my time comes! :) I love that you took risks and that they weren't glamorous. That's much of what happens when it comes to real living!

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  38. I found your blog through Casey Wiegand and am glad I did! #4 and #5 are things I've been reflecting on lately. I recently had a friend that "broke up" with me and I found out she'd been gossiping about me to other friends while putting on a "happy face" in front of me and calling me her sister. This went on for 10 years, and I had no clue! The worst thing about gossip is that it prevents you from growing with the other person that you should be confronting. This list is perfect---thank you for sharing!

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  39. Happiest of birthdays to you sweet friend! I would have never guessed you were turning 30, and I so understand your views on looking younger than you are - I turn 29 this year and last week I worked a retreat where one of the moms thought I was in high school. Such wonderful reminders - cultivating a gentle and quiet spirit is constantly a goal and the older I get the more I see the Lord working to mold me in that way. Thankful for your heart and all the ways God is using you!

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  40. You are such a beautiful woman inside & out thank you so much for sharing this! I love the portion about our generation glamorizing "living out your passion" and taking risks. Goodness sweetheart you sure hit home with me reading this!

    xoxo
    Amanda

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  41. Good for me to remember about my 30s and turning 40! Thank you for your vulnerability.

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  42. I hope you had a wonderful birthday! I am going to save these words of wisdom :)

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  43. Thank you for being real about the challenges of taking risks. It's so true, we can start out with so many idealistic fantasies about how glamorous doing ministry or getting married or whatever can be. Perhaps for some it is, but I have found it is a lot of hard work, with many unexpected and difficult turns at times. Bless you and thank you for sharing!

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  44. I loved reading this. I hope that in three years when I turn 30, I can be as accomplished as you are. Happy Birthday! Enjoy your 30's.

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